What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breathe!
What is the last thing that goes through a bug's brain as it hits the windshield? Its Butt!
Why was the tiger searching the forest? He was looking for Pooh!
What did the grape say when he was pinched? Nothing, he just gave a little Wine!
What do you do with a dead chemist? You Barium
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar and order a beer, the bartender says sorry, we don't serve Breakfast here!
Why did the stop light turn red? Because you would too if you had to Change in the middle of the street.
A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, "hey get out of here, we don't serve mushrooms here."The mushroom says,"Why not? I am a fungi!"
What did the Zen Buddiest say to the hotdog vendor? Make me one with Everything!
Why does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella? For Drizzle!
What did 0 say to 8? Nice Belt!
There are two penuts walking down a dark alley, one was assaulted.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A Gummy Bear!
I once farted in an elevator, it was wrong on so many Levels!
I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, but then it Hit me!
What do you a call a fat psychic? A four Chin teller!
Why did the pharmacist tip-toe past the medications? He didn't want to wake up the sleeping pills!
I used to like my neighboors, untill they put a password on their wi-fi!
Whats the difference between a smart man and a stupid man? Nothing They both think they know Everything!
What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just Waved!
Why did the skeleton got the party alone? Because he had no Body to go with him!
What do you call a sheep with no legs? A Cloud!
I want to die peacufully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car!
My girlfriend hates when I make jokes about her weight. She needs to Lightn Up!
The sole purpose of a child's middly name is so they can tell when they are really in trouble!
Always remember you are unique, just like everyone else!
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef!
Why don't cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste Funny!